We’ve all been there.
We’ve all been in the position where we’ve walked into a room and didn’t know a
single person there. It’s perhaps one of the most awkward positions we find
ourselves in. Something about that scene
is unsettling for many of us. Going from junior high to high school, from high
school to college or from college into your new work environment, you’re faced
with meeting new people that have no clue who you are. This is unsettling for
us because deep inside we have a desire to know and be known. We desire deep
relationships that go beyond the surface. It’s part of the way that God has
designed us. He’s designed us to be in relationship with not only Him but
others as well. And the more intimately we know and are known the healthier the
relationship is. The closest human relationship that one can enter into is the
marriage relationship.
The same phenomenon is
found in marriage. We want to deeply know our spouse while having them know and
understand us. Many times we don’t know how to communicate that truth but the
reality is there. But the difficulty in this sometimes comes when we fear being
open and honest with one another. And there are several factors that can keep us
from being open with each other. Maybe we fear being judged, fear being
rejected, or fear not really being understood or heard. There is risk involved
when we become vulnerable with one another yet it is needed for us to grow
together. But, truly seeking to understand one another crosses the bridge from
giving lip service to saying you know your spouse to really getting to know
them. The more you seek to truly understand each other, the healthier your
marriage will be. Healthy couples are intimately familiar with each other’s
world (Gottman). But if you aren’t seeking to know and be known, it will be
easy for your marriage to get knocked of course when different seasons arise in
your lives.
Let’s keep our spouse
from being in a room where they don’t know anyone. Let’s try to know and
understand them while being open and vulnerable in return. Through this, let’s
watch couples grow closer together while they are knowing and being known.
--Sit down with
your spouse and have some Q and A with them. Have fun with it and get to know
each other again or for the first time.
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