We’ve all been there. We’ve all been in the position where we’ve walked into a room and didn’t know a single person there. It’s perhaps one of the most awkward positions we find ourselves in. Something about that scene is unsettling for many of us. Going from junior high to high school, from high school to college or from college into your new work environment, you’re faced with meeting new people that have no clue who you are. This is unsettling for us because deep inside we have a desire to know and be known. We desire deep relationships that go beyond the surface. It’s part of the way that God has designed us. He’s designed us to be in relationship with not only Him but others as well. And the more intimately we know and are known the healthier the relationship is. The closest human relationship that one can enter into is the marriage relationship.
The same phenomenon is found in marriage. We want to deeply know our spouse while having them know and understand us. Many times we don’t know how to communicate that truth but the reality is there. But the difficulty in this sometimes comes when we fear being open and honest with one another. And there are several factors that can keep us from being open with each other. Maybe we fear being judged, fear being rejected, or fear not really being understood or heard. There is risk involved when we become vulnerable with one another yet it is needed for us to grow together. But, truly seeking to understand one another crosses the bridge from giving lip service to saying you know your spouse to really getting to know them. The more you seek to truly understand each other, the healthier your marriage will be. Healthy couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world (Gottman). But if you aren’t seeking to know and be known, it will be easy for your marriage to get knocked of course when different seasons arise in your lives.
Let’s keep our spouse from being in a room where they don’t know anyone. Let’s try to know and understand them while being open and vulnerable in return. Through this, let’s watch couples grow closer together while they are knowing and being known.
--Sit down with your spouse and have some Q and A with them. Have fun with it and get to know each other again or for the first time.